Public Transport The Microcosm

Buses have been on my mind a lot recently. Since my accident with the broken glass and developing a very nasty chest infection I've spent less time on Shanks' Pony and more time riding on the Maroon and White dragons (not a drug reference by the way I just mean LRT buses).

Buses are a very democratic form of transport almost all stratas of society at some time or other travel by bus. Buses also give you time to think, to cogitate on the problems of the world or perhaps, just to think to yourself "if that bloke in front doesn't stop sniffing and blow his nose I'm going to hit him on the head with my Metro".

In the last few weeks I've seen a woman with a moustache so fulsome she only needs a Top Hat and she could be tying a young woman to some railway tracks. I've seen the worlds most serious six year old. Never mind Pokemon - or whatever the young tykes are into these days give this child some Monster Munch and a copy of Proust and he'd be happy as Larry*. I've seen so many teenagers who are, as my friend Angry of Murrayfield would say, "fist magnets" and of course I've been privy to peoples most private conversations. I tend to get slightly different buses every day so it's been a little like watching a soap opera but never seeing the end of the storyline. I'll never know if Mags ever did get that rash checked out by the doctor. I'll be none the wiser as to whether Kay chose Tommy or Gary or continued to get -and I quote- "pumped by baith o' them". I'll probably go to my grave with no Idea whether Graham got that promotion, but whats life without a little mystery.

However I can't end this little blog without some properly curmudeonly comments regarding bus travel.

Firstly in Winter you wrap yourself up warmly to protect you from the elements but when you get on the bus the heating has been cranked up so you can't breath added to the combined heat of eighty odd (some of them very odd) bodies it's like being in an native american sweat lodge without the inspiring visions.

Secondly they seem to have hired some of the drivers straight off the Grand Prix circuit as three times in the last three weeks I've seen drivers shoot past a stop without checking if anyone is waiting. Why do they do this? Where is it they have to go? Do they have some form of Cannonball Run style competition to take part in where points are added for the number of people they don't take on board. God forbid you make any protest about this because I've twice jumped up and down and made gestures to bus drivers in the past who then stopped and threatened me with violence.

Anyway that's all I have time for on the subject as I've got a bus to catch - did you see what I did there?

*Who may or may not be a Sandboy.