Speed Rant 2 (The one without Keanu and with a big slow boat)

Couldn't think of a single topic to rant about and yet I had an itching to rant about something. So here I am with another short(ish) collection of things which have got up my nose recently:

People who wear hats indoors. Unless you have recently undergone chemotherapy then there really is no justification and in addition let me add that recent studies have determined that only three percent of the adult male population look good in a beanie and you are not one of them.

Kid's TV presenters who make feeble puns and then justify them by saying things like: "Well it is Friday or Well it is Saturday Morning". What kind of excuse is that? If I went round town tomorrow punching people would it be ok to say "Well it is Sunday after all".

Fern Britton. Hateful hateful bag of lard.

Those people who say "I've never watched a Black & White/Subtitled movie as if it's something to be proud of. Why don't they just stand in the street and shout hello I'm Bob the happy moron.

Finally on this short tour around the hate filled swamp of my mind:

Old people. Not I hasten to add all old people, no some of them are charming it just the ones I've had to contend with this week. You see a few days ago I stepped on some broken glass leaving a 10p sized gash in my foot, so since then I have been limping quite badly (although I think I do it spectacularly) and I have had to take the bus. Whilst on the bus I have chosen to sit in the seat set aside for the elderly and disabled because - and follow this it's smart thinking - I am temporarily dis-abled. However do the wrinkly, touser soiling, yellow skinned gits see this? No they just see someone younger than them sitting on their seat and give me the stink eye. The most annoying thing is I am one of the decent few who give up their seat to the elderly and try if at all possible not to sit in those seats so as not to inconvenience them. Still they'll be dead soon mind you so will I if I keep being quite as accident prone as I appear to be. Yours in Memento Mori Neil.