The Sex Life of the Hamster

I recently bumped in to a girl I used to know about ten years ago. I should clarify before I go any further that when I say girl I mean a woman in her thirties just in case anyone gets confused and thinks there is anything of the Gary Glitters about me. Anyway we stopped for a coffee and she let me know that she was getting married and also that she was with child. We chatted a little more and somewhere in the conversation she let it slip that had I asked her out all those years ago she would have said yes.

You see that's where my big problem lies with the opposite sex I never get the signals. Unless a woman is standing naked with a big neon sign saying" get it here big boy" I haven't a clue whether she likes me or not (even then I'd still be asking if she sure she wasn't confusing me with someone else). Which is why I sometimes envy the life of the Hamster. Not the wild Hamster roaming the plains hunting the elegant Zebra and the noble Wildebeest but the domesticated Hamster.

Once the owner gets bored of seeing him on the wheel for the three hundred and forty ninth time he might decide to liven things up and introduce a female. After a bit of mutual sniffing and urinating in the corners and possibly with the help of some Marvin Gaye the male will mount the female for five seconds of hot Hamster on Hamster action. The male then dismounts and after pausing for a refreshing drink from the water holder gets back on the wheel and thats it - Job done. No complications. No does/doesn't she like me and no questions of whether she'll call me or should I call her.

Although there is the possiblity shared by both the lonely human and Hamster male either way the danger lies we could both get sucked up by the hoover.